Emotions

Hi my name is Kevin Lua. I am 17 years old, and am a junior at Oakley High School. I'm a young gay looking for acceptance. I want to live life to the fullest, that's all.

Dear Tumblr

Although I hoped to keep this blog for a longer time, this will probably be my last blog entry that I will create. I decided to buy a personal diary to let me emotions loose, and although i did enjoy this website, I decided that I want to try doing a diary instead. Today, my day went better than usual. I officially introduced Brandon as my boyfriend to my mom for the first time, and although Brandon was nervous at first, he later on grew on to my mom due to his intellectuality and discipline. At school as well, Brandon and I were no longer embarrassed to laugh amongst each other and were able to freely hold hands with each other amongst the crowd not caring what others thought. Although  we still do get teased here and there, we try to ignore the others, and with the help of my best friends, we get through the day. Our feelings for each other have been strong for the past 23 months, and I’m hoping that we will last and make it past the others who are trying to pull us down.

As going home came along, after Brandon meeting me mom, he left for family business. As soon as he was going inside his car, my dad came home and glared angrily at Brandon. Brandon waved hi, and quickly drove away. My dad stepped inside the front porch and asked my mom what he was doing in his house. My mom defended me and told my dad that there is nothing they can do because I am what I am. Furious, my dad barges into the house and slams the door. For the rest of the day, my dad stays locked up in this room, and me and my mom have a quiet dinner. The only thing we talked about was school, and Brandon, but other than that, we knew in the back of our head that dad was in no mood to have any conversations with us. After homework however, Brandon and I had a decent talk for 2 hours about life and it’s complexities. Regardless of what’s going on with my dad, Brandon understands and keeps reminding me not to provoke him. Brandon tells me that I need to understand my dad also, because he has opposing views than me. He tells me that my dad needs to take some time to cool off. Brandon has always been so understanding, and that’s probably the reason why I kept so strong with him throughout these years. Although my dad is still in denial about my sexuality, I’m hoping that one day his thoughts will change, and will accept me because I am his son. If the world has ended segregation and slavery towards black folks, I know that one day gay marriage will be accepted throughout the world, and we no longer will be looked at as “different.” One day, I’m still hoping that that others will see that we too are good people, and that  we are not doing intentional harms to others by being with the one’s we love.

I’m still waiting on the world to change. When that day comes, regardless of how old I am, I will be jumping up and down in joy.

—Kevin Lua

- Me desculpe, mas não consigo ver a diferença.   I can’t see a difference either. As long as two people make each other happy, there should be no limits to love.

- Me desculpe, mas não consigo ver a diferença. 

 I can’t see a difference either. As long as two people make each other happy, there should be no limits to love.

(Source: feelingsandthings)

Dear tumblr

With regards to a horrible night last night, today was only a little bit awkward. My mom had found out as well that  I am gay, and although she was not as aggressive as my dad last night, I knew that she could not look me right in the eye when I try and speak to her. Today in class, they showed a video called The Birdcage during English for finals. The teacher asked us to analyze the movie, and although many of the people did not raise their hands, I took the initiative and gave out my voice as to what  I thought the movie was portraying to us as an audience. I told them that “regardless of gay people marrying each other and being together, they too can make great parents, and it is evident in the movie that the gay couple Albert and Armand are capable of being loving fathers to their son.” As I spoke my words, my teacher, Ms. Conoway said that was almost exactly what she was looking for. She asked if any one else can add on to what I had said, and soon after, others began raising their hands and adding on to what I had just said. Right after class, Prosh and Amy said that they’re proud of me being their best friends. They said that they wouldn’t change me, and that sure made my day. Brandon knew what had occurred with me and my dad last night by the look on my face, and he told me he was sorry. There was no need for him to be sorry though, it’s no one’s fault. At lunch, more and more people began talking to me like usual again,especially those in my English class. Today felt much better in the case of school,although I still got teased by some jocks after school while me and Brandon were holding hands. whatever, I’m over it.

As I got home, I went straight to my room because I did not want to deal with my parents, especially my father. During the morning, my mom ignored me while driving me to school, but as the night grew on, she came to my room and had a talk with me. She asked me if there was anyway that I can become straight, and I told her that I had tried it in the past during middle school, but it just wasn’t me. I explained to her that there was nothing wrong with being gay, and that I too am a nice, civilized teen. She had nothing to say, and just hugged me. She told me that my father was angry, but that everything was going to be okay. She was in my arms for almost 5 minutes, until  she went on and told me a story about her gay friend during high school who had committed suicide. He was so hurt, she told me, because his family, friends, and even classmates couldn’t accept him once he opened up, that he took some overdose of pills and died. Those around him were guilty for months and even years. My mom finally told me that  she did not want that  happening to me and that regardless of anything, I am her son, and she would accept my decision. I teared up, hugged her, and said “Thank you so much mom.” At dinner, my dad ignored me as usual, but it’s okay, I know eventually he will have to accept me. I hope he see’s that I’m his son as well.

AHAHAHAHA. Despite a horrible night, this made up to it!! I totally agree with the guy! That girl up there shouldn’t have such a narrow mind and expect other’s to agree with her. Even by the way she wrote “FAG” makes it even more offensive than putting gay. Either way though, what do you have against “Fag” marriages anyways?

AHAHAHAHA. Despite a horrible night, this made up to it!! I totally agree with the guy! That girl up there shouldn’t have such a narrow mind and expect other’s to agree with her. Even by the way she wrote “FAG” makes it even more offensive than putting gay. Either way though, what do you have against “Fag” marriages anyways?

(Source: balloonstring, via megan-fucks)